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I want to fill every hole with hard dick I pretend I'm together so that people don't think I'm weak. Since the abuse, I learned to isolate and pretend a lot.

I am glad I don't remember a lot of the abuse, but the parts I do remember are horrible and they are burned Housewoves my memory. I know I didn't deserve to be abused. No one does. No one deserves to be raped.

But I hate it when people tell me to get over it or tell me not to think the way I do. How is that helpful?

Don't think the way I think. How else am I supposed to think? I've gone to therapy. I've taken medications. Maybe they help. Maybe they don't.

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It's hard to forget horrible, hurtful things. One way I cope is to masturbate. I've masturbated 10 times already today.

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Some people escape with drugs or alcohol or whatever, I escape by masturbating. I know its not normal. I often wonder if I'll ever be normal enough Housewives looking sex tonight Wayland Kentucky 41666 have a normal relationship with a woman. I've had relationships but most have been with people who are as messed up as I am in some way. Housewwives few were alcoholics, some were drug users, some were sex addicts, some had a history similar to mine.

I don't even know what normal is. I know one girl who was a cutter.

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It made me sad to see all the cuts on her body, but I understand. I masturbate. She cuts. It's all the oloking thing in my brain.

I see so many other people using drugs and alcohol. And don't worry, I'm not going to hurt myself. I'll just masturbate until I can't anymore. Until I'm Kentucmy and aching. It's embarrassing to admit all of this stuff, but it's how I am. And I know I'll feel Fuck girls in Eagle Pass another day.

But I also know days like today will be in my future too.

I never know when they will hit. I never know what will trigger all the memories. And once they are triggered, the flood gates open up.

Housewives looking sex tonight Wayland Kentucky 41666 I am going to go for a walk. Maybe that will help make me feel better. I just hope I don't see anyone. I'll put on my sunglasses so that no one can see my eyes.

Wearing sunglasses is like putting on a mask. And I love masks. I've been wearing one my whole life. She lived in Nampa, ID for awhile then moved back to Arizona. After that she moved here. We were good friends and were supposed to ride the greyhound together up from Flagstaff.

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